New
School Year, New Worries
Identify the warning signs so you can curb back-to-school
stress.
by Dr. Susan S. Bartell
PARENTGUIDE News September 2005
After a long and lazy summer, kids often find that
the return to routine, structure and friends is often
welcomed, along with new fall clothes and bright, clean
backpacks. For parents, too, there may be some relief
as the first school bus of the year turns onto the block,
signaling the familiar school routine.
However, the return to school can also bring with it
unanticipated stress that can make the adjustment from
summer to fall difficult for the whole family. If you
become aware of the causes of stress, recognize the
signs of it and learn how to alleviate stressful situations,
then those exciting first days of school will be less
stressful and remain a more positive experience for
everyone.
Too Much of a New Thing
One of the most common causes of back-to-school anxiety
for adolescents is a fear of the unknown: Will the teacher
yell? Will there be a lot of homework? How will I find
my way around the halls of middle school? Will I have
a friend in my class? Maybe I’ll have the worst
teacher in the school. Almost all children experience
at least some of these worries, though they may not
share these feelings with you.
Therefore, begin actively talking about school two or
three weeks before the first day of class. Ask your
child how he or she feels about school starting, and
talk about some of the worries you have when you begin
something new. Then listen closely because these conversations
are likely to reveal your child’s concerns. For
some children, the stress of the unknown at the beginning
of a school year will cause anxiety significant enough
to result in sleeping difficulties or an angry, sad
or withdrawn mood. The more dramatic the change, the
more likely that such symptoms will result. For example,
a child who rarely struggles with change may react strongly
to beginning middle school, or switching schools due
to a move.
When your child admits to worries, it is best to acknowledge
these feelings first (e.g. “I can see you’re
really worrying about your new teacher” or “Yes,
it is difficult to begin something new”), and
then give him or her concrete suggestions for how to
cope with the anxiety (“When we find out who your
teacher is, we’ll call someone who’s had
her so you know what to expect” or “Everyone
working in the middle school will know that the 6th
graders are new and will be there to help you around
the building).” It is also important to remind
tweens that anticipatory worries are almost always worse
than reality.
After a carefree summer, the discipline of doing homework
again each day can be difficult. For adolescents, this
adjustment can be particularly challenging because these
academic years typically include a substantial work
load increase from the prior year. In addition, parents
sometimes become anxious about homework. Parental tension
combined with the child’s resistance can result
in arguing, further adding to the homework stress cycle.
To avoid this cycle, set up a concise homework guideline.
Your expectations for homework should be explained clearly
in conjunction with the rules for TV, computer and other
electronics. For older tweens and teens negotiation
may be in order, as they may not respond well to having
homework rules laid down for them. In addition, make
sure that each child has a quiet, uncluttered, comfortable
homework spot and plenty of pens and pencils. Tweens
should also be supported during homework time by ensuring
that younger children are not watching TV or playing
loudly enough to be distracting to the older sibling.
Finally, confirming that children are not overburdened
with extracurricular activities will pretty much guarantee
that tweens have enough time to do their homework without
feeling undue pressure and stress.
The summer is a long time in the social life of a child,
and many children may see few, but rarely all, of their
school peers. Therefore, when a major change occurs
over the summer— like a move, a parent’s
job loss or a divorce— a child may have significant
anticipatory anxiety as the school year approaches.
Kids may worry that others will ask questions about
the change and they won’t know how to answer or
that they will be teased. Some changes that may seem
minor to an adult, can be very stressful for a child,
such as a different haircut, or getting braces or glasses.
When large changes have occurred in your child’s
life during the summer, you can reduce the potential
for stress by discussing these changes openly. Also,
assist your child in coming up with and practicing answers
that feel comfortable. For more minor changes, it is
still wise to anticipate how others might react.
The beginning of the school year is often as stressful
for parents as it is for kids. The need for a viable,
calm routine; the dramatic increase in car-pooling;
the last-minute shopping for school supplies; and the
battles with children who don’t want to go to
bed, do homework or get up in the morning can all be
daunting. To get yourself through this time you should
take the same advice you give to your children: get
adequate sleep, plan and organize your activities and
leave enough time for socializing on the weekends. Once
the year is underway and routines have been established,
your children and you will feel much less stress. (Phew!)
Dr. Susan S. Bartell, a psychologist in Port Washington,
NY, is the director of www.Havinganotherbaby.com and
the author of Stepliving for Teens (Penguin) and Dr.
Susan’s Girls Only Weight Loss (Parent Positive
Press), due out this fall. She is reducing her own back-to-school
stress by getting school supplies while her kids are
away at camp.
