Just Not “Getting It”
An inspiring story about a young woman with learning disabilities.
by Jessica Rosen
PARENTGUIDE News June 2005
I will never forget going to math class and receiving another
extremely low score on the latest pop quiz. To make matters
worse, my teacher felt a compelling need to hold up my quiz
as an example of a “stupid person’s” quiz.
I ran out of the room crying and feeling humiliated. Up until
that point, I never fully understood just how different I
was. I just didn’t seem to “get it” when
my teacher taught me. It was as if she was speaking another
language. Instead of trying to help me, she was ridiculing
me.
I was always an intense ball of energy. “A natural born
leader,” so I’ve been told. Even though I was
doing extremely well socially, my teachers noticed I was having
problems grasping reading and mathematical concepts. I became
frustrated. All of my friends seemed to catch on so quickly.
Why not me? I began to protest doing homework and going to
school. At the suggestion of my teacher, I was sent for a
psycho-educational evaluation.
My first diagnosis was done at a time (17 years ago) when
learning disabilities were considered new and unknown. The
process lasted five days and after each session, I felt drained.
The diagnosis came from a compilation of tests involving block
design, ink blots, I.Q. test, math, reading, artwork and hand-eye
coordination. At the end of this process, my mother and I
were given an evaluation based on my performance and grades.
I remember the exact moment in time when my brain stopped
working. It was as though the power had been shut off. It
happened when I was 7, during that first evaluation, right
after the doctor told me that I was learning disabled. She
tried to explain what the results of each test meant, but
once I heard that I was disabled, I became deaf to the sound
of her voice. At that age, the word disabled meant to me that
something was wrong with you— that you were broken and
beyond repair. I felt like I was as good as garbage. At the
age of 7, I just couldn’t comprehend the actual meaning
of the evaluation.
The doctor said that some boys and girls were good at school,
and that the other children who weren’t just had to
find their niche. Since I wasn’t one of the children
that would do well in school, it was my job to figure out
what it was that I was good at. I was crushed. I had to go
to school; it was the law. Her suggestion was that I surround
myself with as many non-academic activities as possible. According
to her, I would be able to repair my damaged self-image if
I immersed myself in activities that would bring success.
As I got older, I ran into more teachers who saw my learning
differences as stupidity and lack of motivation. My fellow
peers mocked me when tests and assignments were given back.
School was awful. I made the decision to leave tutoring and
private school when I was 16 years old. I thought maybe everybody
was right and that school just wasn’t the place for
me. I decided to get my General Equivalency Diploma (G..E.D.)
and began working full-time.
In October 2002, I was retested with the hopes that I would
receive some guidance as to what new career path I could pursue.
I was referred to a doctor whose method of testing was very
different from my previous doctors. The doctor and I met for
three days, and this time it wasn’t such an arduous
process. As per her request, I brought in my portfolio of
paintings and in between tests we talked a lot about my personal
life. At the fourth meeting, we discussed my evaluation. She
was extremely supportive and expressed her disappointment
in how cases like mine were handled. She said I was far too
intelligent to have just “slipped through the cracks”
and that I owed it to myself to obtain a higher education.
She told me that test scores don’t lie and there is
absolutely no reason I couldn’t or shouldn’t go
to college. Having outgrown some of my learning disabilities
and having learned how to compensate for others, the original
conclusion that I wasn’t able to thrive in an academic
setting turned out to be wrong.
Here was a woman, a prominent doctor, nonetheless, who didn’t
know me from a hole in the wall and yet she believed in me.
For the past 16 years, my brain was permanently in the off
position. I lived a somewhat normal life, going through the
motions, trying to find myself and figure out what I was good
at. For some reason, during that evaluation the power came
back on. I felt alive again.
Because of many uneducated assumptions a long time ago, I
went through the rest of my youth believing I just wasn’t
smart enough to excel academically. There are a lot of things
in the world we cannot control. I cannot control the time
I’ve lost or the emotion spent believing I was less
than I could be. However, I can control my future by getting
an education and following my dreams of becoming a psychologist.
I want to make sure that no one ever experiences being called
“stupid” or hearing that they will never succeed
no matter how hard they try in school. With the experiences
I’ve had, conjuring up creative approaches to learning
comes naturally. I can help students feel good about themselves
by being a stable support system in an unstable world. Since
my evaluation in 2003, I have taken my SATs, am now attending
Iona College and am happy to report that I will be graduating
a year early and have been on Dean’s List every single
semester!
Jessica Rosen is a freelance writer and a full-time student.
