School Violence
Warning signs that tragedy might strike.
by Ken Druck, Ph.D. and Matt Kaplowitz
PARENTGUIDE News May 2005
With the recent school shooting taking place
in Minnesota, parents and children are once
again searching for answers. What would lead
a 17 year old to have such anger and hate
as to cause such a tragedy? How could a kid
kill so many people?
The road to preventing youth violence begins
early. It starts with recognizing when kids
are hurting and addressing the source of their
pain or fear— then taking the steps
to provide them with healthy outlets for their
emotions. In addition to anger, out-of-control
emotions such as hatred, jealousy and revenge
also can lead to violence. Factors that increase
the possibility of violence include drugs
and alcohol, suicidal and impulsive behavior,
access to guns, spiritual emptiness and the
absence of a caring adult.
Try as we might to prevent it, some kids become
hardened— their pain becomes bitterness,
and violent behavior is their payback. These
children seize power through intimidation
and retribution, and strike back at classmates,
teachers and a world they feel has wronged
them. They don’t seem to care what happens
to themselves or others.
Anger shows itself in many forms, any of which
can lead to violence. The underlying causes
of violence can be broken down further to
help better understand it.
• Fear. Violence can be a reaction to
fear. When we perceive a threat, either real
or imagined, we protect ourselves instinctively.
We want to “get it before it gets us.”
Violent kids often are scared kids, who lash
out first because they feel cornered or afraid.
Anger can be easier to express than fear—
especially for males, who believe that fear
is a sign of weakness.
• Revenge. To someone who feels victimized
by an injustice, “payback” through
violence may seem like the only response.
• Hatred. Violence grows out of hatred.
Hatred often is born, cultivated and fueled
by deeply held resentments between members
of different racial, ethnic and religious
groups. Minorities and gay and lesbian children
often are targets for mean-spiritedness because
they are viewed as “different,”
and that stirs up a lot of uneasy feelings
in some people.
• Jealousy. Too often, we hear and read
of violence born of a “jealous rage.”
Feelings of rejection, loss and betrayal can
become so intense and overwhelming that people
become desperate, and they lose self-control.
• Peer pressure. Violence can be a means
to achieve peer status when a child reaches
adolescence. Gangs are an extreme example
of this. A violent act is often required as
a rite of passage for a boy or girl to be
accepted into the group.
• Psychological or emotional disturbance.
Diagnosable mental or emotional problems may
be accompanied by excessive hostility, a lack
of conscience and a disregard for others.
• Hereditary factors. Biological makeup
also plays a role. Some of us are born with
“short fuses” and tend toward
impulsiveness, factors that can lead to violent
behavior.
• Abuse and neglect. Physical and sexual
abuse are often transmitted from one generation
to another. Violent behavior is sometimes
the only behavior a child knows.
As our kids grow, they go through sudden and
rapid changes. Sometimes these changes seem
to come from nowhere. However, if we know
what to watch for, we can help kids avoid
slipping into patterns of behavior which can
lead them in trouble. Here are some warning
signs of potential violence:
-
Truancy is one of the first signs a child
may be headed for trouble. Hundreds of thousands
of children are absent from our nation’s
schools each day. Where are these kids? Often
on the streets— getting into trouble.
They’re not in class learning; they’re
falling further and further behind. When kids
skip school and parents fail to act, it sets
in motion a downward slide to disappointment,
failure, dropping out and even arrests. Keeping
kids in school lowers the juvenile crime rate
and prepares kids to take their place in society.
-
Boredom. Some children have a knack for staying
active; they find things to do and enjoy doing
them. Other kids can’t seem to find
anything “fun” to keep them interested,
occupied and out of trouble. It is said that
“Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”
If your child hasn’t found afterschool
activities he or she enjoys, get busy. For
ideas, consult your local YMCA, Boys or Girls
Club, community recreation center, parks department,
school district, or church or synagogue youth
group leader— and let your child choose
one that interests him. Requiring kids to
participate in three to four hours of afterschool
programs every week doesn’t make you
a dictator. Seeing them discover things they
enjoy and keeping them off the streets will
make it well worth the effort.
-
Self-destructive and suicidal behavior often
accompany school violence. Consider the two
Columbine High School students who took their
own lives after killing 13 people and wounding
23 others, or the recent incident at Red Lake
High School in Minnesota. Helping a suicidal
child may prevent an act of violence against
himself or others.
1. Describes intent and a method when asked
if he’s considering suicide.
2. Appears depressed, angry and unable to
enjoy life.
3. Seems preoccupied with death and dying.
4. Drops out of usual activities.
5. Gives away prized possessions.
6. Physical symptoms such as weight loss,
insomnia, etc.
Many kids think about suicide at one time
or another. If you have even the slightest
suspicion that your child is considering suicide,
you must ask, “Are you thinking of taking
your own life?” If your child answers
“yes,” here’s what to do
and not do:
Don’t
get angry with your child. Don’t threaten
him or get into a fight. Don’t try to
psychoanalyze him. Don’t make it about
you, by falling apart emotionally or blaming
yourself. Don’t leave your child’s
side until he’s okay. Don’t let
him push you away until a clear plan to get
help is in place. Don’t panic!
Remain as
calm as possible and thank him for telling
you. Talk with your child about why he is
feeling suicidal. Just listen. Lend an understanding
ear. Show him your love and concern. Make
a “no suicide” verbal agreement
with your child and accompany him to a counselor’s
office for immediate help. Find out what he
has planned. Calmly remove any weapons and/or
dangerous drugs from the house. Call 911 or
the police department if he has put himself
in imminent danger.
Find out your community’s resources
for dealing with children who exhibit this
behavior. Your child’s school is also
equipped to deal with children with violent
tendencies. Their resources often include
meetings with a guidance counselor or a school
mental health professional, or referral to
outside psychological treatment.
Supervising every moment of our children’s
lives— protecting them from every danger,
controlling their every move— is a recipe
for madness. It cannot be done! Nor should
it be attempted. Children, like their parents,
are going to make mistakes, and grow from
them. What we can do is afford our children
every protection and safeguard against danger
and violence. We have to teach our children
new ways to get along in a much more dangerous
world. In the times when we will not be there
to protect them, how will they protect themselves?
Equipping them now with violence-prevention
survival skills will make all the difference
in keeping them safe. The way to cultivate
these skills in our children is to provide
them with the right tools.
The time to act is now; not after a tragedy
happens. We need to sharpen our violence-prevention
tools and use them to keep our kids safe.
This means knowing where they are, becoming
familiar with their friends, setting healthy
limits and staying in touch with what’s
happening in their ever-widening world. It
also means being informed and involved in
preventing violence, whether at our children’s
school or in the community. Sharing what you’ve
just read about with others and developing
your own tools to combat violence is the best
way to keep our children safe— today
and tomorrow.
Dr. Ken Druck is a school violence prevention
expert and the author of How to Talk to Your
Kids About School Violence (Onomatopoeia)
with Matthew Kaplowitz. Kaplowitz has been
involved with popular media for more than
two decades as an Emmy®, Grammy® and
Peabody® award-winning producer and composer.
He was awarded honorary lifetime membership
in the PTA in recognition of his volunteer
work with learning-disabled children. More
information about school safety can be found
online at www.HowToTalkToYourKids.com.
