Are
We Programming Kids to Become Brats?
Modern culture’s effect on tomorrow’s role
models.
by Margaret Sagarese
PARENTGUIDE News October 2005
Elementary school teachers and their principal in Miami
deemed a 5-year-old girl so unruly on April 25th that
they called the police. Handcuffed and led from the
building, the child began a felonious plight arousing
controversy. Did a child’s tantrum pose a threat
worthy of the Miami Police Department?
Apparently, out-of-control youngsters and hapless adults
(mostly parents) have become commonplace. They fuel
the popularity of TV shows such as Super Nanny and Nanny
911, as well as inspire exposes on magazine programs
like 20/20 and Dateline NBC. Misbehavior appears to
be a phenomenon, hardly confined to the youngest set.
As a coauthor and parenting expert specializing with
regard to 10 to15 year olds, I have repeatedly heard
from parents coast to coast that mouthiness and disrespect
are epidemic. Surely, we never talked to or treated
our parents the way today’s kids do.
It’s cool to be bratty.
Without damning an entire army of young adolescents,
being a brat is— for lack of a better word—
“in.” Popular t-shirts brag “Spoiled”
or “I am a Princess” from department store
racks. Little girls on the cusp of early adolescence
have traded in their Barbies for the more hip and haughty
Bratz dolls.
If toys depict intimidating icons subtly, television
shows offer lesson plans. Who disdains and shows up
his parents more than Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle?
This award-winning boy regularly dramatizes just how
bright and mature he is compared to his bumbling mother
and idiotic father. Implied underneath the snappy dialogue
and nerdy wisdom is the question: Why respect adults
who are less capable?
While Malcolm’s example exudes sophistication
in the putdown arena, other bratty role models are far
less cryptic. Take icon Ashton Kutcher. Breakout TV
star of That ‘70s Show, film actor and reality
TV entrepreneur, Kutcher epitomizes the disrespectful
punk image. He oversees a brat patrol, humiliating celebrities
in Punk’d, a crueler reincarnation of Candid Camera.
Another MTV reality entry, Sweet Sixteen, sets an over-the-top
standard chronicling shallow teen divas planning ridiculously
extravagant parties. Still, the queen bees of arrogance
and insolence would have to be Paris Hilton and Nicole
Ritchie, stars of the reality hit, The Simple Life.
The nervy, designer clad duo crisscross America acting
out, goofing off, making fools of families and adults
while giggling eternally as if smiles and lap dances
cancel out rude and lewd antics.
Television commercials also portray demanding kids and
compliant, miffed parents. A recent automobile advertisement
depicts a wimpy Dad test-driving an SUV while his little
girl mockingly backseat drives, ordering him to pick
up her friends and go joy riding, then to satisfy her
craving for a fast food drive-by. Beleaguered may be
the father’s expression, but he obeys nevertheless.
Who’s in charge here? In commercials, in sitcoms
and reality shows, in toy stores and on shopping sprees,
a brood of bossy kids run the show.
What role have we as parents played in spawning brats?
In his latest book Ready or Not, Here Life Comes (Simon
& Schuster), educational guru Mel Levine chastises
parents for over-indulging their children with toys,
gadgets, fancy vacations and cars, and warns such coddling
and uber-generosity ruin kids’ chances for adjustment
to adulthood. Although he doesn’t use the “brat”
word, it lurks in between the lines.
Parenting expert Michele Borba, Ed.D. uses the “b”
word along with “bad-tempered,” “domineering,”
“greedy,” “insensitive,” “manipulative,”
“irresponsible” and more in her book, Don’t
Give Me That Attitude! (Jossey-Bass). Dr. Borba lays
brat pack responsibility on the shoulders of parents’
“classic blunders.” She explains that reasons
such as guilt push working parents to try and make up
for lost time with their kids by buying them stuff.
Parents who delay childbirth and finally produce a child
treat him too special. Adults who want genius kids lavish
with too much stimulation— private lessons, camps,
equipment, tutors. Wanting a better life for your offspring,
trying to be a friend more than an authority figure,
worrying that criticism will demolish self-esteem—
these developments all foment misbehavior and bad attitudes
among children.
The starting point is to recognize that bratty behavior
developed because of the home environment and parental
expectations (or lack of), and can be reversed. Rather
than throw up your hands, cursing the younger generation,
take concrete steps to raise a good person, not just
a scholar or a champ.
• Call your child on behavior that becomes demanding
or arrogant, insensitive or selfish. Point out the opposite
virtue called for, be it patience or consideration,
humility or modesty. It’s a crueler world. We
need to spend more time doing kind deeds and helping
our children to follow suit to make the world a kinder
place. Community service should be on everyone’s
schedule.
• Tune into the television shows that your child
watches. Whether it’s Rugrats or reality programming,
examine how the characters behave. Prepare yourself
before attempting to educate your children.
• Focus on sarcasm in the dialogue and nasty behavior
in the plotlines. If your child is young, explain what
sarcasm is: a decidedly arrogant demeanor. When watching,
ask your child to rate the characters on a sarcasm scale:
Is the character a smart mouth all the time, some of
the time or occasionally?
• Teach the values of respect toward adults in
thought and deed. Discuss with your child appropriate
gratitude. How? Provide them with kid-friendly books
to reinforce your intentions.
• What Do You Stand For? For Kids: A Guide to
Building Character (Free Spirit Publishing) by Barbara
Lewis features tests such as analyzing character muscles
as well as accessible stories, charts and other quizzes
to familiarize children from grades 2 through 6 with
a portfolio of positive values.
• Shop with an eye out for trashy and bratty slogans
on t-shirts, pajamas and jeans. Use your pocketbook
to avoid fashion choices you don’t approve of.
• Dish celebrity behavior with your child. Face
it, we are all celebrity watchers. That’s okay.
Distinguish between admiring a celebrity and approving
of the celebrity’s behavior. In other words, you
can love Paris Hilton’s fashion sense or Nicole
Ritchie’s CD, and not like their thoughtless shtick
on The Simple Life. Or you can think Kutcher’s
hot, love watching his shows and not approve of his
arrogance.
• And ask yourself: Whatever happened to strict
parents who demanded respect? We had them, but we didn’t
want to grow up and be like them. Have we done better
or worse? For an answer, don’t ask your brat.
Margaret Sagarese, coauthor of Good Parents, Tough
Times and soon-to-be published Boy-Crazy: Keeping Your
Daughters Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the
Clouds, lectures and can be reached at msagarese@aol.com.
Source: Don’t Give Me That Attitude by Michele
Borba, Ed.D (Jossey-Bass).
