What Happens When
Someone Goes Missing?
Devoted parents share their story.
by Mary and Doug Lyall
PARENTGUIDE News February 2006
Our loved one has stepped out of everyday reality
into a twilight zone between fate and possibility,
being and not being. She has become a missing
person. How could we lose someone in our family?
Thousands of other families like ours are beginning
to suffer their worst nightmare— experiencing
the most unimaginable pain, the unraveling of
a family’s world— when they realize
that their loved one is missing. The first few
hours when they know for sure that their husbands,
wives, sons or daughters are gone, they begin
to panic. Their hearts race; they have difficulty
breathing. Not knowing where their loved one
is feels completely devastating and can literally
bring them to their knees. They don’t
know what to do. It is a feeling of helplessness.
Statistics alone cannot capture the horror,
frustration and pain felt by those who know
and love the missing person. The disappearance
is often ambiguous, and the precise cause may
never be established.
Our 19-year-old daughter, Suzanne Lyall, was
a sophomore majoring in computer science when
she vanished on March 2, 1998 from the State
University of Albany, NY. We still attempt to
cope and regain our lives. We will always yearn
to know where Suzy is and what happened her.
Police suspect she was a homicide victim, but
there is no conclusive evidence.
Several years ago, we learned that the missing
person problem is international and that the
end result is the same: those left behind also
become victims. We still hold out hope that
Suzanne will return, and in her absence we have
worked to make college campuses a safer place
to learn and live.
The Campus Safety Act was signed into New York
State Law on April 6, 1999. It requires all
colleges and universities in the state to develop
formal plans for the prompt investigation of
missing students and violent offenses committed
on campus. In this country, there are very specific
laws stating the swift action of law enforcement
when a child goes missing. It is well known
that time is of the essence as trails of missing
persons quickly grow cold. However, for people
ages 17 and older, disappearances are often
not taken seriously and costly delays frequently
occur.
In 2003, we helped push the federal government
to enact Suzanne’s Law, which requires
police to enter information into the appropriate
computer for anyone younger than age 21 who
is missing. Before the change, the law had required
police to do so only for those up to age 18.
Suzanne’s Law was enacted on April 7,
2003 as part of the National Abduction Prevention
Act. The Crime Control Act of 1990 has been
amended by omitting “age of 18”
and inserting “age of 21.” There
is no waiting period to report missing adult
children under Suzanne’s Law. For additional
information, contact your state’s Criminal
Information and Transition Unit regional representative
or your state’s Criminal Justice Information
Services.
While no one can say for certain which teens
will run and which teens won’t, it’s
crucial to look for changes in behavior. Sudden
mood swings, changes in eating and sleeping
habits (including always or never sleeping),
spending all his time with friends, never
wanting to leave his room, failing grades,
truancy and breaking rules are some warning
signs that your child is considering running
away from home.
You may hear rumors through friends, school
personnel or other parents that your child
is thinking of leaving home. Runaways prepare
to run by slowly withdrawing cash from their
savings accounts to survive and keeping a
bag or backpack of clothes in the closet.
Let your teens know you are concerned about
them, and their behavior makes you afraid
they might run away. Tell them you want to
work things out. Talk about what is troubling
them and be supportive of finding positive
ways of dealing with their stress. If they
are intent on running away, give them the
number of the National Runaway Switchboard,
(800)621-4000, so that they can find safe
options while out on their own.
•Evaluate the situation: Is the person
truly missing or is he or she voluntarily
missing?
•File a missing person report with your
local law enforcement agency. In cases of
adults, police may be reluctant to take a
report unless the person is at risk or if
there is evidence of foul play. If the officer
refuses to take a report, ask for reasons
why and ask to speak to a supervisor. THERE
IS NO WAITING PERIOD.
•Be able to provide essential information
including circumstances of the disappearance,
identifying marks, tattoos, dental records,
fingerprints, scars and a social security
number.
•Be an advocate for the missing person.
Contact authorities, establish timelines,
have recent pictures available and contact
friends and family.
•Contact local media: TV, radio and
newspapers, and distribute posters.
•Post a reward to generate leads and
to create news stories.
•Contact not-for-profit organizations
that can help you and your family get through
this difficult time.
•Center for HOPE (Healing Our Painful
Emotions): (518)884-8761, www.hope4themissing.org
•National Center for Missing Adults:
(800)690-3463, or e-mail info@missingadults.org
•Child Find of America: (800)426-5678,
www.childfindofamerica.org
•National Center for Missing & Exploited
Children: (800)843-5678.
Families are never fully prepared for the
disappearance of a loved one, and frequently
feel helpless, hopeless and abandoned. It
is often a devastating event that has the
potential to tear families apart. In the aftermath
of Suzanne’s disappearance, we established
The Center for HOPE, a not-for-profit organization
that is dedicated to providing resources and
guidance to educate, assist and support affected
families and friends. The Center for HOPE
has:
•assisted in the recovery of several
missing persons.
•pursued the NYS Campus Safety Act (January,
2000).
•initiated the creation of an annual
NYS Missing Persons Day on April 6th, (A National
Missing Persons Day has been proposed).
•initiated the first missing person
profiles in NYS Income Tax Return Forms
•proposed “The Assault and Abduction
Free School Zone Act.”
•collaborated with DCJS to develop the
“Investigative Guide for Missing College
Students” (the first of its kind in
the country).
•promoted the concept and design of
a missing persons “Remorial” (memorial)
being planned for Albany, NY.
•advocated for Suzanne’s Law.
•helped to create an ID booklet “Just
the Facts, Just In Case” for adults,
with the NYS Division of Criminal Justice
Services.
Parents of Suzanne, Mary and Doug Lyall
are the co-founders of Center for Hope. If
you have a loved one missing or want additional
information, contact them at The Center for
Hope, 20 Prospect St., Ballston Spa, NY 12020.
To learn more, log on to www.hope4themissing.org.
