What’s To Lose?
Nurturing healthy living in older, overweight
children.
by Dr. Susan Bartell
PARENTGUIDE News February 2006
Over 30 percent of preteens and teens are overweight,
according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Despite recommendations by medical professionals
to eat healthy and exercise, encouraging older
children to manage their weight in healthy ways
is a difficult task. Tweens and teens don’t
want to be told what and how much to eat or
when to exercise. They prefer to assert their
independence— adolescents’ primary
developmental goal— resisting even a parent’s
gentle suggestion to lay off junk food or go
for a walk.
Parents are especially met with hostility and
resentment when they try to enforce “healthy
living” rules with an overweight preteen
or teenager. One wrong word and their child
will explode with anger, tears or blame, effectively
ending any conversation about weight loss, exercise
or healthy eating.
Given the frightening statistics that adolescent
obesity results in a far greater risk for health
problems including type 2 diabetes and high
blood pressure, as well as social and emotional
difficulties such as depression and compromised
self esteem, ignoring a weight issue is not
advisable. So what can a parent do to help an
independent-minded, overweight tween or teen?
Create an environment in which your child’s
growing need for independence is not threatened.
Through mindful changes and discussions, your
child will learn that with independence comes
responsibility and that taking charge of his
or her own body leads to better health.
Making healthy snacks available is your first
step toward ensuring that your child will
make good choices. If most of the snacks you
offer are high in fat, sugar and calories,
you don’t leave your child viable options.
Encourage your child to help choose healthier
snacks, and then be sure these are always
on hand.
Consider how much fast food, high fat and
fried meals your family eats— all will
undermine weight loss efforts. Offering healthier
meals is one of the least stressful, most
successful ways to help your preteen or teen
eat well without creating tension. While requiring
extra effort, this change communicates in
a powerful way that you care enough about
your child’s health to work hard for
it. This may push a resistant preteen or teen
to begin valuing his or her body enough to
make healthier choices when away from home,
reflecting the beginning of a healthy independence
from you.
Since healthier food promotes concentration,
sustained energy and higher cognitive functioning,
all children, regardless of weight, should
eat low fat snacks and meals built on protein
and complex carbohydrates. Also, it is important
not to have different food for an overweight
child than you have for the rest of the family,
because this will result in resentment. It
will also make it difficult for your overweight
child to maintain healthy eating habits.
For tweens who are beginning to experience
financial independence by receiving an allowance
or cash as gifts, it is helpful to establish
a rule that their money cannot be used to
buy food or drinks. This will allow you to
control outside snack purchases that may sabotage
healthy eating. If it will not create resentment,
you may be able to establish this rule for
teens, who are already accustomed to using
their money for food.
To further ensure good independent choices,
your tween or teen needs to learn rules for
healthy living. Eating high quality protein,
complex carbohydrates and high fiber foods
is imperative. Consuming fewer sugary and
high fat foods is also important. If you do
not feel confident enough to convey these
rules to your child, educate yourself by speaking
to your healthcare provider or read about
nutrition in books or online.
Not only will you learn about nutrition, but
you will demonstrate that you are willing
to make the effort to improve your child’s
health. Tweens and teens also need to know
that it is important to eat enough food. Depriving
oneself is unhealthy and dangerous, and will
result in low energy, a poor attention span
and difficulty conducting daily activities.
It also puts one at risk for developing an
eating disorder.
Are you overweight? You may need to change
your lifestyle, if you don’t want to
be viewed as hypocritical by your teen who
may no longer see you as the all-knowing,
perfect parent you once were. You must “practice
what you preach” if you expect to be
viewed as credible by your teenager. Eating
healthy and becoming more active as a family
will also make it easier for your teen to
follow suit. If you are not overweight, it
is still important to lead a healthy lifestyle.
This includes exercising (but not over-exercising)
and eating healthy (but not only salads and
diet soda).
Along with establishing healthy food options
in your home and giving your child the knowledge
to succeed, you should demonstrate confidence
in your child by not watching every bite consumed.
This may be difficult if you are a controlling
person or if you are worried about your child’s
health. However, policing your child’s
eating will only result in tremendous conflict.
It may also cause secretive or “closet”
eating— another precursor to an eating
disorder.
Explain that you do not want to be the food
police or the bad guy. Remind your children
that their bodies will show the results of
what is eaten, whether they see it or not.
Offer to be available if your child wants
guidance, but resist the urge to dictate what
to eat.
This is the core of independence— making
healthy life choices. It is about food, alcohol,
drugs and smoking. It is about working hard
in school and being an honest, trustworthy
person. Your job is to encourage and support
positive choices, but you can not live your
child’s life. Start with good food choices
and perhaps your child will accept your support
and choose a healthy lifestyle.
Dr. Susan Bartell is a psychologist in
Port Washington specializing in tweens and
teens. Her third book, Dr. Susan’s Girls-Only
Weight Loss Guide (Parent Positive Press),
will be available in March. You can reach
her by e-mail at DrSusan@girlsonlyweightloss.com.
