Blogging For
Parents
How innocent is the internet use in your home?
By Dr.Susan S. Bartell
PARENTGUIDE
News May 2006
Often a huge gap exists between the way teens
and tweens utilize the Internet, and the way
parents think their kids use it! Unfortunately,
even the best, most vigilant, most caring
parents (like you perhaps) don’t recognize
this truth. Here is where problems begin.
First off, do you know how freely today’s
kids are divulging extremely personal information
and feelings through online journals? Used
widely by teens and tweens, online journal
Web sites, such as MySpace.com, LiveJournal.com
and Xanga.com, provide users with a free,
online journal or blog (short for web log).
On such sites, kids can write about anything,
post photos and convey personal information,
that can then be viewed by anyone in the cyber-universe.
Users can also create a personal journal using
blogging templates. These templates are available
for free at sites like Blogger.com. Though
blogging allows responsible users to relay
information, discuss business or meet others
who share their interests, for young people,
blogging can be a step into unsafe territory.
Teens and tweens, especially girls, love blogging.
It adds a dimension to their social lives,
provides an outlet for expressing feelings
and offers a way to communicate with new people.
But, despite warnings from parents and schools
about online predators, tweens and teens often
expose more personal information than is safe.
While they may be careful not to tell their
exact address, phone number or last name,
youngsters frequently post photos and mention
where they work or go to school.
Some blogging Web sites have age restrictions
that are meant to deter children. MySpace.com,
for example, does not want users under age
14 and has a safety policy posted, although
you have to search to find it. The restriction
here seems like an arbitrary age cutoff, because
high school users are just as vulnerable as
younger children to online predators who may
suddenly pop into kids’ actual lives.
Additionally, the age limit doesn’t
stop users under age 14 who lie about their
age when they create a blog. I know many 12
and 13 year olds who regularly use the “My
Space” they’ve created. Their
parents know nothing of this— not when
their kids are 12, and still not when they
are 16.
Once a blog is posted, a teen can receive
e-mails from anyone who sees the blog. E-mails
can come in from friends, kids they meet at
a party or fellow campers with whom they want
to stay in contact. But, e-mails could also
be from a predator posing as a teen, namely
an adult trying to find a kid with whom to
begin an online, and then perhaps a real-life,
relationship.
An Internet predator is a master manipulator.
He is an expert at hiding his true identity
and convincing an unsuspecting youngster that
he is another teen. He is attuned to what
he should say to sound authentic. I have spoken
with many teens who are convinced they will
be able to see through such a person and recognize
him as a scammer. They are wrong. And because
most parents have no idea that their child
even has a blog, let alone that he or she
is communicating with strangers, most teens
are operating in an online world devoid of
adult guidance.
You’re probably thinking that this could
never happen to you or your child. You couldn’t
be more wrong. Fifteen-year-old Vicki (whose
name has been changed to protect her privacy)
is a child whose family I know well. She has
caring, involved parents who are interested
in her well-being.
A few months ago, Vicki’s new online
friend— the one with whom she’d
been communicating via her “My Space,”
showed up at her part-time job. Vicki thought
this adult man had a weapon with him, so she
got into his car. Fortunately, she jumped
out before he drove away. A confession to
her parents followed by a report to the police
resulted in the predator being tracked to
his home in Queens where he lived with his
wife and children. Vicki’s parents were
shocked. In spite of their genuine desire
to keep Vicky safe and encourage her to make
good decisions, they had no idea about this
dangerous online relationship.
Vicki’s parents are not alone. Many
parents have little knowledge about how their
tweens spend their time online. As kids get
older, they insist on greater privacy, resulting
in parents knowing less and less.
It doesn’t have to be this way. As a
parent, it is your right, indeed your responsibility,
to ensure that your children are protected
online as well as off-line. In fact, as you’ve
read with Vicki, these two worlds can suddenly
and terrifyingly merge with no warning. You
need to learn about the Internet and ask your
children what they are doing. You can and
should check up on them. If you sense secrecy,
strange phone calls or e-mails, question them.
And never, ever take silence or their expectation
of privacy as an acceptable answer. Your child’s
safety is more important than hurt feelings.
Follow these tips to increase your Internet
awareness and better protect your tweens and
teens:
• Put Internet accessibility in a public
place, not behind closed bedroom doors.
• Learn how to use the Internet if you
aren’t proficient; it’s the only
way to keep up with your child.
• Don’t allow your tween or teen
to have Internet privacy. Check regularly
to see which sites he/she frequents and check
the computer’s Internet history. If
you don’t know how to do this, ask a
computer professional.
• Confront your tween or teen if you
find anything worrisome about his Internet
use. Don’t be deterred by a tantrum
about privacy. You wouldn’t allow your
child to have a relationship with a stranger
he or she met randomly at the mall. This is
no different.
• If your teen is speaking on the phone
or online to someone you don’t know,
find out who he or she is. If your child is
evasive, take this as a red flag and ask for
more information.
• Always know who your teen is with
when he or she leaves the house. Don’t
allow your child to go anywhere with someone
you haven’t actually met or don’t
know to be a teenage friend.
Dr. Susan S. Bartell is a psychologist
and author specializing in tweens, teens and
their parents. Her newest book is Dr. Susan’s
Girls-Only Weight Loss Guide (Parent Positive
Press). Dr. Bartell blogs at www.girlsonlyweightloss.blogspot.com.
She can be reached by e-mail at DrSusan@girlsonlyweightloss.com.
