Weeding Out the Truth
What you need to know about marijuana
by Kathy Pride
TWEENS & TEENS News February 2007
Don’t think marijuana is such a big deal?
Think again. This weed can grow out of control,
take over and ruin your life.
Pop culture tells us it is “just pot”
and not a big deal. There was a time when I
believed that lie, but that changed when our
son was court ordered out of our home for “only
marijuana.”
When our son Matt was 15 years old he started
smoking pot. His Dad and I tried talking to
him about it, but conversations did not go well.
The next three years were hard and almost destroyed
our family. Fights, lies, loss of friendships,
drug use, an arrest, lousy school performance
and ultimately Matt having to leave our home
were all part of our family’s story.
Not Measuring Up
Peer pressure is often blamed for drug use.
But feelings of not belonging, not being accepted
and loneliness can also play a part in the
decision to try drugs.
“When Chris went to college and Dad
was at work most of the time, I felt like
I was alone and no one was there for me,”
Matt remembers. “Over the past several
years I have felt alone, jealous [of my younger
sisters] and angry.”
Using drugs can dull hurt feelings. However,
with this approach, it is possible to become
dependent and addicted to drugs. Find a trusted
adult who can help you communicate better
with your parents, without resorting to drugs.
I didn’t realize that marijuana was
addictive and that people entered treatment
for marijuana abuse. Yet, hundreds of thousands
of people typically seek treatment for marijuana
use every year.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Communication with your parents is crucial.
Do they know what’s on your mind? What
are you thinking? Do you feel comfortable
sharing your thoughts with your parents? Would
you tell them if friends offered you drugs
or if you tried drugs?
I wanted honest communication with Matt, but
I didn’t really take the time to listen.
I wish I had known how ashamed Matt felt.
It might have helped me pay closer attention
to what he had to say.
“I thought that I couldn’t express
myself to you,” Matt now explains to
me. “Or that there was no point in trying
because it often seemed to me that you were
much more concerned about getting your point
across than listening to what I had to say.”
“If we can open up and share how we
feel with one another within our family, I
think we will communicate better and things
could be better for everyone. I didn’t
want to open up to you, Mom and Dad, in the
past because I was ashamed of myself and my
actions. I also thought I had control of my
life when I was smoking, to deal with my problems.
But I was wrong.”
Denial
While parents are busy denying that their
kids are involved with drugs and are ignoring
common warning signs, kids can also be in
denial about their drug problem.
“When I was placed on probation last
November, I just continued smoking pot,”
says Matt. “I told myself that I would
stop, but I just didn’t. Within the
first month of probation I had one hot urine
test.”
Matt thought he had control of his life when
he was smoking. As he now admits, he was wrong.
At the wilderness program, he wrote the following
words: “My denial is still a big problem.
I’m going to try to face it and be vigorously
honest with myself.”
A common philosophy with drug use is that
the user won’t stop using until he hits
rock bottom. By the time the user hits bottom,
choices for the future may be gone. Drug-related
school failures or unplanned pregnancies limit
future choices significantly.
Close friends who can point out denial can
be a monumental help.
How Low Can You Go?
What is the bottom? I have to admit I was
relieved when Matt was arrested on paraphernalia
charges. I was sure he had hit his bottom.
I was wrong. He also thought he had reached
his bottom, but he was fooled as well.
“I thought getting arrested would be
enough of a bottom to make me want to stop
smoking pot,” says Matt. “But
when it happened, it wasn’t. This is
hard for me to tell you and it will probably
be hard for you to hear, but I know I have
to tell you at some point, so it might as
well be now. At the beginning of the summer,
I traded my snowboard for pot. My board is
gone and there really isn’t a chance
of getting it back.”
Unfortunately, Matt didn’t hit bottom
until he was court ordered out of our home.
Even trading his snowboard for pot wasn’t
the bottom. Matt is a passionate snow boarder
and he saw his board go up in smoke.
Not me you say? I would never trade my snowboard
(guitar, computer, other expensive material
possession) for pot? Never say never. Things
that were important can become unimportant,
compared to drugs.
If trading expensive things for drugs starts
to happen, it is more important than ever
to talk to someone. Chances are it won’t
be your parents. Find an adult you can talk
to and trust.
Don’t Stop Caring
One of the biggest problems with marijuana
is that it totally zaps one’s motivation.
It is easier to hang around others who just
want to get high.
“When I started smoking pot I started
hanging out with different kids,” Matt
recalls. “I gradually spent more and
more time with people where I could smoke
pot. Over a one-and-one-half-year period,
my main group of friends totally changed.
As I started hanging around my new group of
friends, I gradually started to become more
like them. I stopped caring as much about
school and my activities.”
There was a lot of healing and forgiveness
that had to take place.
I had to ask Matt for forgiveness for things
I said and did. He also had to apologize for
bad choices. Communication is always a two-way
street.
“I now know that my parents were only
looking out for me,” says Matt, “and
that they were trying to do what was best
for me because they love me.”
Getting Through
It was a long, hard road— a road I wish
we could have avoided. It’s harder than
it sounds, however, there is a lot of truth
to the phrase “Just say no.”
Help Saying “No”
•Keep talking to your parents; they
care.
•Remember these words: “If in
doubt, don’t.”
•It is easier to say “no”
in the first place than after you have already
said “yes.”
•Find someone you trust to talk to.
•Don’t forget your future goals.
If Matt had said “no,” then we
could have avoided a lot of pain.
As a parent, I never thought my kid would
get involved with drugs. Did I think he might
try marijuana? Yes. But I never imagined he
would become addicted and court ordered out
of our home.
Did You Know:
•It is possible to become addicted to
marijuana.
•Every day about 4,700 American kids
try marijuana for the first time.
•In 2002, almost 300,000 people entered
drug treatment for marijuana.
•Since 1991, marijuana use has doubled
in 8th to 10th graders.
•Almost half of all high school seniors
have tried marijuana and about 21 percent
are current users.
Kathy Pride’s book, Winning the
Drug War at Home (Living Ink Books), was released
in April 2006. She shares her family’s
experiences through speaking and writing.
Pride attended Brown University, has her bachelor’s
degree in nursing and values her roles as
encourager, wife, mother and parent educator.
Visit www.winningthedrugwarathome.com.
