The Obsession Zone
When you can’t stop thinking about the
opposite sex.
by Margaret Sagarese
TWEENS & TEENS News November 2007
Once you enter the obsession zone, there
are skills to practice. Otherwise, daydreams
about dating and relationships can go from
preoccupation to all-out delusion.
The ABCs of Infatuation
Do girls have a monopoly on obsessing? Or,
can boys go gaga for girls in the same way
some girls go boy crazy? Good question! Both
genders fall prey to romantic obsession. Everyone’s
got hormones. However, a gender difference
exists.
The male brain and female brain have subtly
different designs and dynamics. A male brain
compartmentalizes differently than the female
type. That means men and boys can put their
thoughts about love, school and football practice
into a box, close it up and think about other
aspects of their lives. It’s as if boys
can mentally walk in and out of different
rooms. A boy can keep his crush contained
in one of those rooms.
Female brains, on the other hand, prevent
distinct rooms of thought. A girl’s
thinking style resembles a one-room schoolhouse:
Everything happens in the same space, void
of walls and dividers. The good news is that
this thinking style makes women better at
multi-tasking or doing several things at once.
Just watch your mother, who is probably doing
two things simultaneously at this very moment.
The bad news: When girls get infatuated, the
emotion generally invades all other thoughts.
There’s not an easy way for many girls
to merely “lock” their crushes
in a closet. As a result, girls may end up
constantly distracted by their infatuation.
Quiz: Are You Going, Gaga or Gone?
Girls: Once you discover boys, the magnetic
lure to one of these mysterious creatures
can go from amusing to compelling to overwhelming
before you know it. Currently, you may be
in the first stages of liking a guy, blind
sided by a boyfriend or hopelessly swept off
your feet. Take the following quiz to determine
your degree of lovesickness. Don’t worry.
All levels are within the realm of normal.
It’s only that some things may need
a bit of adjusting.
Directions: All the questions are multiple
choice. Choose the answer that most closely
matches your gut reaction by circling only
one answer for each question. Then, proceed
to the Scoring Section.
1. Your main binder for school
looks like this
(a) You’ve doodled his name a bit, maybe
even scrawled your name and his within a heart.
(b) Your binder is thoroughly tattooed with
his name, with many combinations like you
+ him equalling true love.
(c) You’ve written Mr. and Mrs. followed
by your crush or boyfriend’s last name
at least once.
2. Your concentration level
is such that
(a) You can’t do anything constructive
like read a book or study vocabulary.
(b) You can barely finish your homework because
of your constant IMing about him.
(c) You can put him out of your mind long
enough to watch your favorite Harry Potter
flick on DVD or cram for tomorrow’s
quiz.
3. While searching for clues
about who your current attraction hangs out
with...
(a) You plot with your friends how to infiltrate
his group.
(b) You shun all your old companions in favor
of his crowd.
(c) You are merely observing who he hangs
out with and how his friends behave.
4. You admit to yourself
that you really like him, but how much have
you revealed to your friends?
(a) You have told all your friends about your
crush.
(b) You haven’t admitted anything, although
your best friend suspects you have a crush.
(c) You’ve enlisted your friends to
find out if he likes you.
5. You find yourself daydreaming
about him
(a) From time to time.
(b) Frequently.
(c) All of the time.
6. How have you been feeling
lately?
(a) Downright sick when you see him talking
to any other girl.
(b) You feel perturbed when you see him laughing
with a bunch of girls.
(c) You get a little jealous when you see
him with one particular girl.
7. How has your crush affected
your appetite?
(a) He hasn’t at all.
(b) You either can’t eat because you
are so anxious or you are too deliriously
happy to need sustenance.
(c) Your crush affects your eating habits
sometimes.
8. If you keep a diary (or
if you were to keep a diary), how
much copy gets devoted to your attraction?
(a) A fairly good amount of reflection debates
what he says, does and what it might mean.
(b) There are some intimate thoughts about
him and how you are feeling.
(c) The pages look like a run-on sentence
about this boy and little else.
9. Has your crush or romantic
relationship affected your
report card?
(a) Not at all.
(b) Yes, but no one suspects it’s because
of a boy.
(c) Yes, and you’re getting heat over
your social life— and grounded until
your grades recover.
10. When you get ready for
school in the morning, are you grooming with
him in mind?
(a) Absolutely. You take more time than ever
before to pick out your outfits and fix your
hair.
(b) Somewhat. You haven’t changed your
routine that much.
(c) No.
Scoring Section: Each answer is equal to either
5, 10 or 15 points. See what point value each
answer of yours contains, according to the
table below. At the end, add up your total
number of your points. Proceed to the Evaluation
in order to see what your score reveals about
you.
Answer Points:
1. (a) 5 (b) 15 (c) 10
2. (a) 15 (b) 10 (c) 5
3. (a) 10 (b) 15 (c) 5
4. (a) 10 (b) 5 (c) 15
5. (a) 5 (b) 10 (c) 15
6. (a) 15 (b) 10 (c) 5
7. (a) 5 (b) 15 (c) 10
8. (a) 10 (b) 5 (c) 15
9. (a) 5 (b) 10 (c) 15
10. (a) 15 (b) 10 (c) 5
Total_______________
Evaluation:
Going (50 to 80 points). If you scored in
this lowest range, you are falling for this
boy, but so far thoughts of him haven’t
pushed everything else out of your mind. You
don’t get up extra early to blow-dry
your hair or to try on three different outfits.
You don’t flip out or go 100 percent
green if you see him talking to another girl.
Your heart still belongs to you as opposed
to wearing your infatuation on your sleeve.
You’re able to process your emotions
and decide whether this boy is a worthy object
of your affection.
Gaga (81 to 115 points). If you scored in
this middle range, you are deep into your
crush but not utterly helpless. You may speed
through homework to dish with your friends
about him— and maybe talk to him online.
Your notebook may bear his name and a Mr.
and Mrs. So and So, and you probably plot
to enter his circle of friends. Yet, you’re
still in control, right? You are on the borderline.
For now, your grades are not suffering and
your friends aren’t sick of hearing
you talk about him, but beware.
Gone! (116 to 150 points). If you scored in
this highest range, infatuation has sent you
overboard into the sea of love. You and your
grades are drowning. You can barely concentrate
on anything— dinner conversations nor
the meals your Mom puts in front of you. You
can’t do your homework or pay attention
to your favorite TV shows. You feel addicted
to only one thing— your crush or boy
companion. Obsession has become your middle
name, and now you need to reclaim control
of yourself.
Skills to Escape the Obsession Zone
When you are obsessed, whether it feels thrilling
or chilling, heed this advice.
•Monitor your sleep calendar. Resume
your regular bedtime and return to your familiar
nightly routine, be it listening to music,
reading or just relaxing. If you can’t,
drink a cup of herbal tea or warm milk. Being
over-tired makes you a candidate for feeling
overwrought and becoming a drama queen.
•Allow yourself time to unwind each
day. Distractions, such as music, television
shows and Internet sites, are crucial when
you’re wrestling with cupid for control
of your emotional life. Maintain time to unwind.
A good book, CD, DVD or video game may be
just what a love doctor would order to get
your mind off of your crush.
•Do your schoolwork. You mean to finish
quizzes, class projects and homework, however,
every time you crack open the textbook, you
end up wondering what your favorite guy is
doing. Schoolwork provides a break. Figuring
out math equations or memorizing French verbs
may not be glamorous, but academic exercises
give your mind an escape and a purpose. Plus,
maintaining your grades keeps your parents
off of your back.
•See the big picture. Keep a gratitude
journal. The entries needn’t be profound.
You can be grateful for not missing the school
bus or for finding your favorite pen. For
now, avoid any gratitude entry that revolves
around possible boyfriends. That means no
“I’m grateful that his sea green
eyes looked at me in the cafeteria at lunch
today.” Stick to appreciating your peanut
butter and jelly sandwich made by your mother’s
loving hands.
•Feed your hunger properly. Speaking
of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, have
you been eating right? Your adolescent body
needs vitamins and a good variety of foods
to keep you growing, going and focusing on
all of your priorities— not just your
current crush.
•Shut down the negative inner broadcast
network. Whenever you’re about to make
a personal insult— I look fat in these
jeans, my zit is the size of Mount Olympus,
I’ll never get an A on an English paper—
rewrite the script. Positive messages to yourself
are called affirmations. Try these: I am a
wonderful person whom anyone is lucky to know.
I don’t look like anyone else. I am
great at _________. If I’m not doing
well, I can change that with a little effort.
Talking nicely to yourself takes practice,
but it also pays off. Besides, with all the
attention you’ve been devoting to a
certain someone, you deserve some attention,
too!
Margaret Sagarese is the coauthor of
Boy Crazy!: Keeping Your Daughter’s
Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the
Clouds (Broadway). She gives workshops to
girls
and their parents. Contact Sagarese at msagarese@aol.com.
