Look Who’s Talking
Using movies to spark meaningful conversations.
by Margaret Pevec, MA

TWEENS & TEENS News September 2007

Are you curious what your parents were like as young people, but you don’t know how to get them talking about their teen years? Do you wish your parents would talk about the “bad” things they did, instead of acting like you’re the first person in the world to do something wrong? Do you suspect that helping your parents to remember their teenage years will encourage them to lighten up about your experiences?

Adolescence is challenging for everyone, in every generation. Though the challenges certainly look a bit different now than when your parents were younger, the basics are still the same— friends are everything, school can be boring, and parents don’t have all the answers.

During their teen years, your Mom and Dad likely endured some of the same issues you face right now. Starting conversations about what life was like for them at your age could allow you to understand your parents better and create a bond of shared experiences to smooth some of the rough edges that may exist between you.

In research done with 10-14 year olds, many tweens and teens wanted to know about their parents as teenagers. Tweens and teens wanted to know the responses to questions like:

•What was your worst experience growing up?
•Were you pressured as a child?
•What was it like when you were my age?
•What’s the stupidest thing you ever did?

If you’d like to get a parent to talk about stuff like this, watching a movie together and asking questions afterward is a fun and easy way to open a conversation about your parent’s past.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, for example, is a great movie for finding out things a parent did as a teenager. Following are some prompts with related questions to ask a parent based on the movie.

Ferris Bueller goes to elaborate lengths to convince his parents he’s ill in order to skip school. After viewing the movie, ask a parent:

•Did you ever fake an illness so you wouldn’t have to go to school?
•What illness did you fake?
•Did your parents believe you?
•If you were successful, what did you do on your day off?
•Did you involve any of your friends?

Ferris and his friends do things they know their parents wouldn’t approve of, such as skipping school and “borrowing” a car. Ask a parent:

•What are some things you did when you were a teenager that you knew your parents wouldn’t approve of?
•What was the worst thing that happened because of that?
•Can you describe a time when you lied to your parents and got away with it?

Early in the movie Ferris says, in reference to licking his palms to simulate sweaty hands, “It’s a little childish and stupid, but so is high school.” Likewise, several scenes in the movie portray boring teachers and extremely bored students in the classroom. Ask a parent:

•How did you feel about attending high school, especially in your senior year?
•Were you eager to get on with your independence or were you content to play by the high school rules?
•Who was the most boring teacher in your middle or high school?
•What made that teacher boring and what coping strategies did you use to get through that teacher’s class?

Ferris and his friends have some adventures on their day off from school, including driving a cool car, attending a baseball game and joining a parade. Ask a parent:

•What was your most memorable adventure— in or out of school— as a teenager?
•If given the choice, would you go back and relive your teenage years? Why or why not?
•Are you the same person you were as a teen or very different? In what ways?
•What aspects of your teen self do you wish you still exhibited?

Ferris pressured his best friend Cameron to participate in his antics. Ask a parent:

•What kinds of things did you feel pressured to do by other kids when you were a teenager?
•How did you respond to peer pressures?
•Did you ever do the pressuring, encouraging friends to participate in things that parents would disapprove?

Jeannie, Ferris’s sister, meets a boy at the police station who says he is there due to drugs. Ask a parent:

•Did you ever use alcohol, drugs or tobacco as a teenager?
•What was the most common substance used by students at your middle and high school?
•Did you feel pressured by peers to drink, smoke or do drugs? At what age?
•How did you handle drug-related pressures?

Toward the end of the movie, Jeannie gets taken to the police station for making a phony phone call. Later, the police go on a chase when Jeannie speeds while driving home. Ask a parent:

•As a teenager, did the police ever pick you up for something you did?
•What happened that caused that?
•What did you learn from that experience?

Try using movies to have important chats with your parents. Parents are so used to focusing on their children that they might be pleasantly surprised you’re interested in their teen years. Such discussions may also signal to your parents that you crave additional independence and you’re ready to take on additional responsibilities for your actions.

Margaret Pevec, MA, is the co-author with Rhonda A. Richardson of What Kids REALLY Want to Ask: Using Movies to Start Meaningful Conversations (VanderWyk & Burnham). She also offers one-on-one coaching, workshops, talks and writing help to educate, encourage and support families with teenagers. Check out www.margaretpevec.com for more information.