Sex Ed in the Lunchroom?
Modern viewpoints about sex and why it’s worth the wait.
by Vicki Courtney

TWEENS & TEENS News September 2007

Several weeks ago, my 8th grade son climbed in my car after school and vented about a conversation he had with some other students during lunch that day. “Some of the girls in my grade are so messed up,” my son said, with an air of disgust in his voice. He explained that he had been sitting with his friends at lunch and two of the girls in the group broached the topic of sex.

It’s been some time since I was in 8th grade, but I’m pretty certain sex was not on the list of lunch table topics. Though my peers weren’t angels, we generally understood that topics such as spin the bottle or rumors of so-and-so kissing were saved for midnight ramblings at sleepovers. And never would we girls discuss matters of the heart— especially sex— in the presence of boys.

My son explained that the chitchat about sex started when one popular girl posed the question, “What grade do you think you’ll be in when you have sex in high school?” The debate took flight as my son’s friends pondered whether or not they would lose their virginity in 9th, 10th or 11th grade. Finally, my son said he could not stand it any longer and he suggested the novel idea of saving sex until marriage. And yes, you guessed it. He was laughed at, scorned and shamed.

“No one waits until marriage!” the girls collectively responded. “Everyone has sex in high school!”

My son spoke up again and said, “Not my sister or brother. My brother’s a freshman in college, my sister’s a junior in high school, and they’re waiting until they get married.”

One girl chimed in: “That’s impossible. Trust me, they’ve had sex.”

My son had reached his boiling point. Then one of his friends, sensing his frustration, defended my son by saying, “I know his sister, and she’s a really good girl.”

At that point, the girls speculated that perhaps my son’s siblings were unattractive and therefore undesirable. You know, the old “maybe something’s wrong with them so no one wants them” scenario. What else could explain normal teenagers running around with their virginities still intact? Are virgin young adults circus freaks? Not quite. For the record, my son’s brother (my other son) is involved in sports and his sister (my daughter) is a varsity cheerleader. Both are good looking kids and well-liked among their peers. Honestly.

Don’t be fooled by the media’s message that sex is something you scratch off your to-do list by the 10th or 11th grade. Research shows that nearly half of high school students have had sex. While you might think, “everyone is doing it,” the truth is, half of teens are not to doing it. In fact, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation and Seventeen magazine, 90 percent of teenagers think it is good for a girl to be a virgin and 77 percent think it is good for a boy to be a virgin.

Sex was never intended to be a recreational hobby. Yet, many teens give in and treat it as such, not realizing that their decision to have sex may produce emotional, physical and spiritual fallout for years to come. The best plan is to wait. Yes, it will be hard— but remember the old saying: “Good things come to those who wait.”


Top Five Reasons to Wait to Have Sex

1. Regret. The majority of teens who have sex (nearly two-thirds) confessed in a study that they wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Spare yourself feelings of regret and learn from the mistakes of others. Among people who waited, zero percent experience regret.

2. Bad reputation. Nine in ten teens surveyed said a girl can get a bad reputation if she has sex; four in ten teens surveyed said a boy can get a bad reputation. It’s a shame that there is still a double standard and girls get the bad end of the deal. The reality is that many girls who have sex will be labeled sluts, and often by the very guys who beg them to say yes to sex.

3. STDs. More than three million American teens acquire an STD each year. Among sexually active teens, one in four get an STD, as documented by the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. Many STDs are incurable and require lifelong treatment. Some STDs have been linked to infertility, cervical cancer through HPV and even death, such as with HIV/AIDS.

4. Pregnancy. About 40 percent of teen girls become pregnant at least once by age 20. Don’t be fooled— adopting, aborting and parenting a child in your teens all come with heavy emotional consequences.

5. Respect. Hooking up and having casual sex is not empowering. Respect yourself, your body and others by choosing to wait. Abstaining from sex until marriage spares teens from the emotional, physical and spiritual consequences that often compliment having sex outside of marriage.

Vicki Courtney is the founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and www.virtuousreality.com, an online magazine for middle school and high school girls. She is a nationally acclaimed speaker and the author of several bestselling books. Her recent book, Teenvirtue Confidential: Your Questions Answered About Guys, God, and Getting Older (B&H Publishing Group), offers religious-foucused answers to real questions sent in from teenage girls. Through her ministry and books, Courtney confronts the cultural concerns facing children and their parents today and offers a blueprint for addressing these issues. For more information, visit www.vickicourtney.com.