Walk This Way
Does the perfect mentor exist?
by Frederick L. Moore, Ph.D.

TWEENS & TEENS News March 2008

As tweens and teens grow up to become young adults, who are the most constant people in their lives? The answer is simple— their parents.

Parents are commonly known as their child’s first mentors. Most parents take this role seriously, and try to effectively shape their child’s experiences and expose them to life’s infinite possibilities. Yet, many people, parents included, haven’t developed the tools to fully maximize their own opportunities.

Let’s create a hypothetical scenario and see where the resulting thoughts take us. One day, my teenage son Adam comes home from school and says, “I want to be a heart surgeon when I grow up. How should I go about doing it?”

I respond, “Adam, being a heart surgeon is a fine profession. Why do you want to become one?”

Depending on your social circle, family background and parents’ professions, you might be thinking: I don’t personally know any doctor or anything about being a heart surgeon. Now the game begins. Parents and mentors in general must be proactive about assisting adolescents and younger siblings with seeing, hearing and experiencing moments that enable kids to better understand if being a certain profession like a heart surgeon may be right for them. How do mentors go about doing that?

The first thing parents and mentors must do is tap into their network to see if there are three or six degrees of separation between someone they know, who might know someone, who is a heart surgeon. This generally requires parents and mentors to talk with members of their local and extended networks in order to determine if a connection exists. Target church or temple-goers, attendees at PTA meetings, parents at little league games and associates at work to see who might know a heart surgeon. Typically, this almost works, but a lead dries up when we discover the particular heart surgeon left town a month prior.

Next, research programs that might be available for youth at local hospitals, colleges and universities that have medical schools. Many universities have programs that expose junior high and high school students to science and health-related careers.

Missed the deadline for the summer research program you desire? Begin to think of a more creative way to get end results. Do online research about physicians at a local hospital or medical school. Find a couple of heart surgeons, and send them each an e-mail. Mentors and parents— or teens who take the initiative to do this themselves— should mention in the e-mail that a particular kid is highly interested in becoming a heart surgeon. Is it possible to interview the heart surgeon about his or her career? When the said surgeon agrees to the request, organize a meeting with him or her, as, let’s say, happened with Dr. Smith.

Before the meeting, Adam, the mentee, should prepare some questions to ask Dr. Smith. Examples of questions include: What is the process of becoming a heart surgeon, including required schooling and training? What is a typical day like for a heart surgeon? What kind of hours do you work? What do you like about your job? What is the most challenging aspect about your job?

Depending on how old the mentee is, parents and mentors should simplify the answers for to the mentee a later time.

I believe one of the most important things parents can do while their children explore who they are and the type of goals they’d like to achieve is to understand as much as possible about the process in becoming that thing, in this case a heart surgeon. Then, parents and mentors should assist kids in developing a deeper knowledge of their strengths, abilities and talents. This way, kids may make meaningful connections to goals that support their personal dreams and career plans.

As each teen pursues a mentor in a specific area of life or in developing certain skills, he or she should never accept anyone’s advice without asking a series of questions. For example, a mentee should ask: What was the environment like around the time you went through the process to become a heart surgeon, Dr. Smith? This type of question can make a difference if Dr. Smith went through the process of becoming a surgeon decades ago, as the process and culture of medicine may have significantly changed by 2008.

Also strive to understand the new mentor’s personality and strengths when considering his or her advice. If Dr. Smith is an extrovert (a social person), and you are an introvert (a quiet person), then Dr. Smith’s approach to engaging people and tackling situations might not work for you. Moreover, one should identify Dr. Smith’s innate strengths. What things came easy to him or her? What things were more challenging tasks? Also important, how did Dr. Smith go about addressing those issues? Match each piece of advice that a mentor gives with how it fits into your reference frame— and see how you can apply, adapt or reject that piece of advice based on your strengths, weaknesses, personality traits and current environment. These approaches allow a person to take away relevant information from a mentor, based on each person’s unique characteristics.

So, does the perfect mentor exist? I would say that different individuals have bits and pieces of wisdom and experiences that you as tweens and teens can collect and leverage to get to your next stage in life. Be proactive in acquiring that information and know how to filter wisdom from others. This might enable you to excel at your next stage in life— and allow you to show others how to follow your lead.

Frederick L. Moore, Ph.D., obtained a BA from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Ph.D. in the field of human reproductive genetics from the University of California, San Francisco. Of Moore’s many academic accolades, he is most proud of the Martin Luther King Jr. award, received for his humanitarian and community service work. Moore founded the nonprofit organization Building Diversity in Science in 2001 to help students discover their purpose in life, while utilizing science and medicine. He is committed to expanding outreach to people who are disadvantaged and want to achieve at the highest level.